i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
