"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
