Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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