I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
