If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
