bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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