My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
