i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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