after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
