I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
