he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
