I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
