he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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