i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
