If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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