Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I will pee on everything he values.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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