i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
