Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
