You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
