i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
worst night to have a conscience
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
