If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
