he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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