so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
