he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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