and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
