You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
