how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
