Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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