This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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