Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just googled if crying burns calories
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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