Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
