I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He better not be in your backpack
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
