I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
