Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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