it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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