I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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