What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
