Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have fence marks all over my body
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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