I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize