PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nutella sex= disaster
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm having to shit out rocks
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
