I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
