My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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