the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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