Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
