I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
