great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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