just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
