Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit