so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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