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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

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• (914): View more from New York

  The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

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• (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began

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  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

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• (530): View more from California

  .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower

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• (561): View more from Florida

  When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem

  (850): View more from Florida

  #reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder

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• (631): View more from New York

  the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.

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