i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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