Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dating After Heartbreak
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.