its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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