i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
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Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.