I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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