I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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