My balls are so social today.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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