My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
