just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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