so that wasnt chicken after all
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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