i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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