I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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